True Confessions, 2008

Time to fess up: I am still fat and unhealthy. In fact, I am-- as of this writing-- almost 10 lbs more fat and unhealthy than I was when first wrote about this back in April. I have no excuses, and no explanations other than the obvious, which is that I'm apparently taking in more calories than I'm expending.

It's not surprising. The last few weeks have been somewhat stressful-- like 3 rounds of job interviewing which occurred before, during, and after my graduate exams, and a trip out of town which was bracketed by a close friend's funeral on one end and a PhD admissions interview on the other. At holiday time. So of course I defaulted to the run late--> no time to cook--> eat cheap junk--> gain weight mode. Yeah, I can hear the plaintive music now... over the speakers in the Hellevator. Note to self: that stirring sensation in the heart is NOT a good thing.

So today I decided to do something about it: I went to the grocery store and bought food. This was a big step, as I hadn't been grocery shopping since before exam week, which started on the 11th of December. Also because I had to walk both ways, since our neighborhood has no bus service on weekends. Slogging up the hills with a bag of groceries over each shoulder was definitely instructive-- because when I got home, I weighed myself, and then I weighed the bags.

Before I tell you the result, let me tell you what was in the bags: 2 bottles of wine, 5 lbs of potatoes, 1 bag of small potatoes, one whole chicken, 1 lb of stew meat, two cloves of garlic, a box of tea, a box of high-fiber cereal, a pound of butternut squash, a box of mushrooms (I think I forgot the carrots), a 2-lb bag of sugar, and a 2-lb bag of onions. (Don't worry, I have a whole freezer full of veggies to go along with it). Total weight= 37 lbs. Distance walked= about a mile with groceries (plus the mile up to the store without them).

My total weight: 166 lbs.

Perspective shot: Get two canvas grocery bags, and in each one, put two gallons of milk and two pounds of produce. Try to lift it. That's the amount I carried home. And it's almost exactly the amount of overweight I'm carrying around, groceries or not. And here I thought that seeing my mom in the hospital was a wakeup call.

Eight months ago, when I first outed my lousy health in full view of my reading audience, I was determined to do something about it... but that determination didn't survive the daily grind, let alone the drama that followed (you know, getting laid off right before school started, trying to cope with grad school and a temp job, etc.). Now the worst is over, and the stakes are higher. I cannot, CAN NOT, afford to go through life at 160 lbs plus; not only is it a completely unhealthy weight for me, but the unhealthiness goes against my basic principles. It's time to stop changing the station in the Hellevator and do something about the problem.

Today's walk was a good start. Other walks will follow. So will time at the gym, as I'm once again working in reasonable proximity to the place where I signed up. And though I haven't been the most regular blogger in the 'sphere, I'll try to check in once a week and make my progress known.

Your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement are appreciated.