An Open Letter to Our Candidates

Dear Candidate,

Thank you for taking the time to find out which issues are important to me as a voter. You’ll find I’m quite low-maintenance, as I don’t demand all the latest trendy features from my elected officials. I’ve come to understand that “entitlement” is government-speak for “white elephant”, a beast that will not only ruin me, but trample all over my boundaries and my neighbors and leave a big mess of manure in its wake—and I simply can’t afford the expense.

For instance, I don’t want socialized medicine. If I wanted to wait five years for an operation, I would opt out of my health plan and invest the difference. That way, when my doctor tells me that the government will no longer cover the procedure because not enough people need it, I can pay the airfare to another country where doctors are still allowed to heal people, and have it done there.

I don’t need a tax break for driving a hybrid car. If I didn’t deserve one during all those years of riding public transportation and walking everywhere, I can’t in good conscience take one for expanding my carbon footprint. Please rest assured that when I do get a car, I will do the responsible thing and choose a 100% post-consumer recycled car that has as many good years left in it as a new hybrid, only without the environmental impact of a new manufacture. The reduced cost and smaller property taxes will be more than sufficient to cover any tax break I might have received. And if I do it just right, I’ll even be able to give a local small business a boost.

I’m not looking for additional restrictions against religion in public places. Frankly, I’m bracing for the day when the Declaration of Independence gets removed from classrooms for that phrase about being “endowed by their Creator.” That’s if the “all men are created equal” doesn’t get it yanked first for lack of inclusive language.

You’ll be relieved to note that I don’t expect you to champion mandatory prayer in public schools either. It is my own responsibility to bring up my children in the faith, and if they grow up to be godless heathens, I have no one to blame but myself. For that matter, I don’t expect further government oversight of my retirement fund or the fast-food industry, either. I understand that overconsumption now causes problems later, and the government is not expected to rescue me from my own lack of good judgment if I choose to ignore the warnings.

Speaking of warnings, I personally see no reason why I should have to make a choice between having freedom and having an atmosphere. Both are necessary and we all know it, so kindly stop with the fear-mongering already. That also goes for the zero-tolerance policies. Taking away teenagers’ nail clippers is not going to prevent a school shooting, and firing foul-mouthed commentators is not going to clean up the Billboard Top Ten.

Setting aside all of these hot-button issues should give you the resources you need to concentrate on the things that are really important, such as making sure that our police, emergency services, and military personnel are fully empowered to do the jobs for which they were hired. Trust me, if my house catches on fire or someone tries to break in, I’m not going to be worried about the additional tax burden for calling 911. And while we’re on the subject of those three little numbers, what ever happened to “United We Stand”? If we took all the energy and passion wasted on partisan infighting and directed it toward fighting the terrorists, we’d already be done with the war in Iraq.

Oh—and when you do get to that part about defending the Constitution, please remember that the First Amendment applies to both parties equally and that the Second Amendment has not gone conveniently missing.

I understand that citizenship carries certain inherent responsibilities, and I am prepared to exercise mine. This includes staying abreast of the issues, keeping track of your voting record, and making sure that you know my needs as a constituent. Consider it my thanks for your generous offer to represent me.

Sincerely,

Erin_Coda, Instigator
Somewhere, Virginia